So today we go out for lunch to celebrate hubby's and my birthdays with our children, their partners and our grandchildren. I miss the carefree days of not having to think about what goes in my mouth, not having to worry about my blood sugar levels. Having to remember to take my tablet with lunch. Always having to have them in my bag.
Last night when my Mum came up she again asked how my sugars where going, it didn't feel like a 'casual how are they going', but as a 'you have to tell me' type of request. As usual, I refused. This is my journey, and I know she wants to help and is really, really concerned about me, but I don't want to be comparing our two journeys. I need to work this out on my own.
I did however wonder, should I be more open? If I am really going to accept this disease as part of my life should I tell people if they ask?
Why do I want to hide this so much? I think I need to really look at that question. There is only one person at work who knows. Am I afraid that people are going to judge? Is that always my fear? Being judged on my weight? Or people seeing my weight at the only reason that I have this disease? Is that hitting the nail on the head, or is that just another diversion away from whatever the real reason is that does my head in about all of this?
Would I be any better opening up to a support group?
Tonight feels like I am moving towards a lightness of being moment. Not the bright orange glow, but a clearer look at my issues.
Maybe I am getting somewhere.