So this afternoon was my 2nd visit to see John (my psychologist) and yet more tears were shed. I sort of knew I would leak again when reading him back my entries. We only got through Number 1 and 2. He feels I am getting somewhere though, which is a good thing and has encouraged me to keep writing.
It seems that all the times I have put things into a box, thinking they were dealt with, and then put them away somewhere in my soul, that sometimes I really hadn't dealt with them at all. Now a few of boxes might be springing leaks or maybe there is just no more room for more boxes and so my diabetes is like the straw that broke the camel's back. I can sort of relate to that analogy.
Funny how my father keeps coming up as an issue, even when I don't go there thinking I will talk about him. But it seems that maybe it was because of my feelings around him that I built the very first box. I know that is a cliche in some ways, you know, that it always the father or mother figure in your life. But then again, they are the first influences you have, the first experiences you have to deal with. Goodness, now I will start worrying about my influence on my children! I do believe though that in his own way that my father does love me, it's just his way and mine are so different, and he is too old now for me to confront him again about the past.
Well enough about my mental health, so I will put the following out there.
I have been contemplating whether or not to share my blood glucose levels here. Shall I bring them out of the closest so to speak? I will think about it. Not sure I am ready to let it all loose, but it is certainly a possibility.
Over all, I think today is a Lightness of Being kind of day. I came home in quite an uplifted mood, tears and all. So that's got to be good.
Happy to see a nice orange moon finally appear here. May there be many more to come.